


Kiss Me Like You Wanna Be Loved

by BlazersEtc



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Magnus, Re-write of a deleted scene from City Of Glass, mentions of malec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-12-17 15:52:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11854806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlazersEtc/pseuds/BlazersEtc
Summary: Basically a re-write of the Jalec kiss that was deleted from City Of Glass that I altered to fit into the TV universe.





	Kiss Me Like You Wanna Be Loved

**Author's Note:**

  * For [walkthepiccadillycircus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/walkthepiccadillycircus/gifts).



> When I saw the Jalec kiss scene that CC had written I expected a lot more, not a brush off the a LGBTQUI person's experiences. Since I've been in Alec's place before, I know that just because you end up loving someone else does not mean you were 'confused' about the first. It just means you loved more than one person. So this [one of] my take(s) on how I think the kiss should've gone. I have so many versions of this in my head. One ends with Alec realize his feelings for Jace have worn off and Jace ends up realizing he's in love with Alec. I might write that one next. 
> 
> This is also a gift for walkthepiccadillycircus, who gave me the plot bunny!

“Magnus says it’s because you’re hung up on me. Is that true?”

The words broke the otherwise comfortable silence that had permeated the kitchen, causing Alec to look up in confusion at his parabatai.  The words sent Alec's heart beating so fast he felt as if it were going to explode out of his chest and Jace would surely see it, but Jace was calm and collected as always, his focus on the sandwich he was currently assembling at the counter as if his question wasn't something so important. 

  
"He...what?" Alec tried to push his brain out of the shock-induced fog that Jace's comment had bestowed, trying to resurface to where everything would make sense again and the world wasn't a mess.  Magnus had been talking to Jace about them? About Alec's feelings for Jace?

  
"Yeah. I mean, it's obvious he cares about you, Alec. He's worried about you." Jace finished assembling his sandwich and placed the peanut butter back in the cupboard before turning around.  He looked over at Alec nonchalantly,  making his way to the table to sit across from Alec, as he took a bite of his sandwich, chewing thoughtfully. 

  
"I'll kill him." Alec threatened, though there was no real heat behind the comment, only annoyance at being talked about behind his back.  Alec had noticed Magnus's distance over the past few weeks and it had been bothering Alec constantly.  He'd tried to ask Magnus about what the cause was, fearing he'd been doing something wrong to make Magnus pull away and while Magnus assured Alec he was fine, it seemed he was telling Jace otherwise.

  
"Alec, I don't want to push you but maybe if-"

  
"Maybe if I call him he'll talk to me about it? Yeah, right. He never talks to me about anything. Apparently he only talks to the people he's not in a relationship with about said relationship." Alec slumped down into his chair, huffing in frustration.  Magnus always told him to open up and share his feelings and concerns, but apparently, that only applied to him and not Magnus himself. 

  
"No, I wasn't going to suggest that. Well, I mean I was, but I'd recommend doing that later. What I was going to suggest, was that you kiss me."

  
Alec blinked, surely he hadn't heard that right.  Jace was offering...to let him kiss him?

  
"I'm...sorry?"

  
"Kiss me." Jace said simply, shrugging as if it were the most natural thing in the world, as if he hadn't just suggested the impossible.  "If you're truly over me, then you'll know for sure and you can go tell Magnus and he can stop calling me to chat about his relationship."

  
Alec hated how his heart gave a little skip of excitement at the idea, butterflies suddenly swirling in his stomach.  He'd dreamed of kissing Jace for years, every time he glanced at Jace's lips he'd felt the urge to know what they felt like pressed against his own, tried to fight off the images of what he couldn't have; and now he was being offered it, willingly. 

  
"But....you're straight?" Alec's voice was desperate, grasping at straws as he tried to find a way out of Jace's crazy new idea. One he was sure would wreck him. 

  
"Really? Funny, I don't think I've ever said I was straight...." Jace smirked a little, looking over his sandwich at a very bewildered Alec.

  
"I...you're..."

  
"Bisexual." Jace confirmed, setting his sandwich down on his plate, turning his full attention to Alec. "But this isn't about me, it's about you and Magnus." 

Jace stood up, moving to stand by Alec's side as Alec stared at Jace his wide eyes, his brain trying to process everything he'd just heard: Jace wasn't straight, Jace was offering to let him kiss him, and now his Parabatai was-straddling his lap?

  
Alec didn't have time to react before a pair of warm lips were pressed against his own, gently and tender.  Alec's eyes widened for a second, frozen in place in shock before he lost himself in the sensation, kissing Jace back, his eyes slipping closed.  The pure warmth that overcame Alec was unlike anything he'd ever felt before. Kissing Magnus was like being in the middle of a fire, it was scorching and dangerous, and it made Alec feel alive-but kissing Jace was like sunshine and every happy memory had been compressed into one moment, into one action.  It made Alec feel like his entire body had turned to jelly and his mind was in the clouds-and he'd never felt anything so pure.  The kiss lasted only a few seconds and when Jace pulled away Alec wanted to cry because Alec had realized two things: One, he was very much in love with Magnus and two, he was very much still in love with Jace.

  
When Jace pulled back enough for Alec to be able to see his eyes, Alec's own started searching his face, desperate for everything to make sense, searching Jace's features for the answer. He was waiting for the universe to tell him it was all a dream and he would soon wake up next to Magnus and this would all go away-but Jace was looking back at him in what looked like awe, his parabatai's hands playing with the hair at the back of his neck softly, which had somehow found their way there during the kiss; and Alec knew that this hell on earth was real.

  
"So, um..." Jace cleared his throat, a faint flush painting his cheeks as he let his hands drop from Alec's hair, though he made no move to get up from where he as straddling Alec's lap. "I guess you have your answer?" Jace's voice was shaken, his eyes rapidly moving all over Alec's face as if searching for his own answers. 

  
"Yeah...I...I think I know what I'm going to tell him." Alec looked awkwardly into his lap, avoiding Jace's gaze, terrified of what truths Jace would find, of what Jace would make him admit without even asking.   Jace had kissed him and based on his parabatai's reaction Jace had liked it-and that was the most dangerous thing Alec could think of. 

  
"Good." Jace moved off of Alec's lap awkwardly, before shaking off whatever had come over him and grinning at Alec. "Now, please go tell him so I can stop getting text updates from Whiny Warlock Weekly."

  
Alec offered Jace a lopsided grin, though underneath dread was filling every corner of his being.  What had just happened could never be taken back, and it could never be forgotten. 

  
"I'll go over right now." Alec promised, standing up and trying to force away the sick feeling settling into his stomach, feeling like he'd swallowed rocks. 

  
Jace gave Alec a pat on the arm as he passed, a grin on his features, "Go get him Parabatai."

  
Alec grinned back and hurried out the door, his smile falling the moment he was out of sight.  Contrary to his word he didn't go straight to Magnus's.  Instead, he spent several hours wandering around New York, glamoured and silent as his brain made enough noise for Alec to feel as if he were in a sea of people.  He turned over every facet of what had occurred between Jace and himself, and after a long while he came up with two options on how to deal with it.  The first and most appealing meant going back to the Institute, grabbing Jace by his expensive leather jacket and kissing him.  It meant telling Jace that nothing had changed, that in fact he'd been ruined because now nothing would compared to the feeling of his parabatai's touch, of feeling his warmth.  It meant giving up everything, including his safety and Jace's own. 

  
The second option, the one Alec knew he had to choose, was going to find Magnus and telling him what had happened.  It meant telling Magnus what he needed to hear, that he was completely over Jace, that Magnus didn't need to worry about it anymore because Alec had moved on.  It would be a lie, the biggest Alec would ever have to tell, there was no denying that, but it was also the only option.  Jace would never be allowed to be with Alec, and even if they pursued the relationship in secret it would only take one mistake for their worlds to be torn apart-and that was if everything worked out and their bond wasn't ruined by a rift caused by the new level of their relationship.  Alec wouldn't let his selfish wants put Jace at risk. 

  
So Alec pushed himself off the park bench and followed the flow of mundane's into the subway, to Magnus's apartment, ready to put on the best performance of his life.  Maybe some things were really better left unknown. 


End file.
